Good Morning! I am so blown away right now that tears are rolling down my face. My students will confirm that one of my main teachings is that Gratitude is the KEY to unlock the floodgates of heaven, and that the secret to having it all is knowing you already do (those words sit on my office desk). We just covered this in great detail last night. To my students and private clients this week I’ve confided that although I’ve been a “practicer” of Gratitude for many, many years and gratitude has certainly become a way of being for me, in these last few weeks I’ve been so far beyond grateful. There are no words adequate to express what/how/who I AM-how I’ve been feeling-lately. I said that to someone who doesn’t aspire to this way of being, someone who doesn’t choose to put effort into developing their inner state of bliss, and simultaneously take action in the “world” to sort through, clean up, set goals, with unshakable faith that the power is within us-I would absolutely look “crazy”. I have been walking around in awe of every little thing. Like a child, I’m bursting with joy when I walk through my home, when I water my gardens, when I watch my children, when I look at Joe. I can’t count the number of times I’ve expressed to Joe “I love my life so much. I LOVE US, I LOVE our kids, I LOVE our home, I LOVE my work and my clients! I LOVE OUR LIFE!” Almost daily I have exclaimed with sheer wonder “I just can’t believe this is my life!”, followed by this deep mystical, grateful knowing that <whisper> I DID THIS. I created not only the things-the outer expression of my life-but that I purposely designed and with daily effort cultivated this state of joy that overflows from the deepest water within me and into the physical reality of my life, of my experience.
I told my students that although my spiritual and personal development journey has been 20 years in the making if they had known my life’s circumstances even 6-7 years ago, my state of my mind, the state of my family life, my marriage, my finances-all of it-that they’d never doubt our innate power to create and manifest. That is who we are: CREATORS. (We create by design or by default, but that’s a lesson for another day! LOL). We discussed that changing our way of being can be hard work, tedious, constant, exhausting-but my God, my God, worth every single bit of effort!
This morning as I walked and watered my gardens, I pondered the phrase “it isn’t happiness that creates grateful people, it’s gratitude that creates happy people.” I sang to and thanked the lush lilacs that surround my front yard. I smiled at the image of the two colorful hammocks Joe and I purchased on our last trip to Key West. I encouraged our ever-expanding organic vegetable garden, fruit tree and berry bushes to grow, grow! I stood in admiration of the 25 foot rhododendrons who wrap themselves lovingly and protectively around our home. In another section of the yard I anticipated the arrival of my wildflowers and filled up with excitement of the image of the cottage-garden I’m creating. I opened the gate and stood in wonder looking at our pool and deck that we designed and built to resemble and remind us of our vacations on Cape Cod. My eyes wandered to our “camping section”, our firepit and I remembered that I’m setting up our tent back there later this week so I can sleep outside and reminiced about my solo 10 day camping and hiking excursion last year at this time. The bluejays, cardinals, bunnies, squirrels, chipmunks all came by to say "Goodmorning", and after I finished my morning chore ritual, I sat down and opened my emails and FB account. I opened the “memories of this day”:
Facebook post, May 27, 2015:
All In A Day's Walk
The desire to walk the walk I've been envisioning and wishing to walk for years overwhelmed me this morning at 8 am and without hesitation I changed out of my nightgown, made a cup of coffee and headed out the door. It was the first morning in 16 years that I didn't concoct an excuse, or a reason not to. I couldn't get out the door fast enough.
As I walked down the hill of my cozy suburban development I felt the feelings I've felt while taking a leisurely morning stroll along the side streets of Cape Cod; one of my favorite feelings. I noticed the beautiful gardens and for just an instant wished I had put forth the effort to create that kind of beauty in my own yard; and immediately replaced that thought with sincere appreciation for the owners and the effort that they put into theirs so that I could enjoy them and experience this feeling.
I turned out of my development and headed toward my destination, a large pond where I've always wanted to sit and enjoy. I did this once, with a friend, but never alone. As I made the trek, my senses were heightened, and I noticed the beautifully manicured lawns, and the time put toward unique exterior home decor. I smiled thinking of the horses inside the stable and admired the thick fence keeping them corralled. I appreciated the long, lush stretch of greenery that lined the narrow road and recognized that it felt, looked, smelled, and sounded just like my many imaginary hikes through the woods felt.
In my mind, I thought about David and Steve who live about a half mile down the road. I missed the fun I used to have with them and said to myself "come on out boys!" As I stopped to ponder the ecosystem of the marsh, Steve's work truck approached and I waved, excitedly; then David's car followed behind and he yelled happily in recognition of me out his window. I smiled, knowing.
I stopped for a moment at the farm and laughed listening to the chickens conversation, and wished I had a camera to photograph the old, and almost delapitated barn across the street. One of it's windows was broken and the shade inside was torn to shreds, blowing easily in the breeze. A freshly painted red, white and blue tractor sat in it's driveway and old tires and tools lay haphazardly off to the side near some overgrown shrubs. "I love this", I thought. I passed by the hiking trails making a note to explore later, as well as a hidden dirt road I'd never noticed in my rushed daily travel by car.
I was overwhelmed by the vast array of beauty, of the diversity of lifestyle right here in this 1.5 miles that is my backyard. Then it came to me, almost as audibly as the birds chirping as I type this. "This is all yours. Every bit of it. You used to lament the beauty and the things that were not in your possession. What you didn't realize was that this is ALL in your possession. What you experience IS YOURS. You don't need to own these things for them to be yours, you just have to appreciate the experience of them for them to belong to you."
The tears welled up in my eyes. "Thank you", I thought. "Thank you so, so, so very much."
"You created this" I heard. "You asked for this. Don't you remember admiring the old farms as you traveled through Wisconsin and wishing for one? Here it is. And when you were in Key West and enjoyed the chickens roaming freely, and wanted chickens? And remember when you were a little girl and you wanted a horse so badly? And how you wished you could get in the middle of nature and walk the trails, immersed in the feeling that nature provides? And the love of the cape cod homes with their beautiful hydrangeas? Your longing for the expansive, lush homes, donned in rich detail? And oh, how you've wished to have fresh water to sit and reflect by, to give thanks by."
I was completely blown away. The big house, the family, the man who would let me be myself and love my unconditionally. A place where I could shine without ever becoming famous, the great restaurants, the amazing and inspiring women. Everything I ever asked for has been right here, has been ALL MINE all this time, and I'd never took the time to slow down and see it from this perspective before!!!
As I wiped my grateful tears I thought, "And the magical surprises that I long for to keep me in awe of you, to keep me constantly reminded that you are with me, you continue to provide those too!" And I stopped, breathless in my tracks. Straight ahead, in a patch of the marsh just before I would reach my pond, were two swans. I don't know how long I stood there, crying, in the deepest gratitude I've ever experienced, but eventually I heard "Go, it always gets better".
As I approached the pond and eyed a perfect place to sit for a while, a scent reached my nose that was so yummy that I couldn't breathe fast enough or deep enough to soak it all in before my senses lost it's intensity. It was the freshest water of any lake or pond I've ever sat by, and again, I wept. And I sat for a long time, deep in thought and reflection and appreciation for it all.
As I journeyed back home and thought about the words I'd heard, I played a little game, which I often do to entertain myself. I said "another thing I really love is the sight of freshly laundered clothes hanging on a clothesline, blowing in the breeze" and immediately looked toward the homes on both sides of the street. I laughed. Not a one in sight. I thought to myself "well ya cant have everything, girl!".
I heard in my heart "there is never a moment that I do not notice you. Never a moment that I do not give you what you ask for. But it's in noticing me, that you notice my gifts." And as I rounded the bend, the clothesline... just as I had pictured. And at the same home as the chicken coop, too!
The conversation continued and I asked "but I never asked to live on a golf course! Where'd that come from?", smiling. "OH, yes you did!" And I turned the corner and read the sign leading to my neighborhood "Country Club" and immediately remembered driving and dreambuilding with Joe many years ago in Marblehead when I said "Imagine living at a Country Club??!!"
And then it hit me like a tsunami: Two weeks after that fateful walk, in a 24 hour spontaneous decision that seemingly came out of nowhere (and an amazing weekend of synchronic events), we put our “country club” home of 17 years on the market, and ended up (after another quite miraculous-and long, lol-story) here.
That one morning of complete and absolute appreciation and the revelation that I lacked nothing propelled the universe into motion and very literally, put the finishing touch on my committed inner work and brought my every dream to my life.
You just never know when the momentum of your effort will burst through the energetic field between the mental/emotional and the physical, my dear ones.
Go in PEACE. Go in GRATITUDE. GO in FAITH.
AND KEEP GOING.
With so much love and blessings in abundance,