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Becoming Your Own Best Friend

A common theme has emerged within my Life Design Class and with my personal clients this month. I've found we've been talking a lot about treating ourselves with the same care as we would someone we really, truly, and deeply care about.

I employ this technique when I've realized I'm not being kind to myself whether in inner dialogue or with actions. When I'm neglecting what my body/mind or spirit is asking for. When I'm putting everyone else's needs and projects that are outside of my self, in front of what I need or when I just can't seem to get myself out of my funk.

To have and to live a life that you don't need to escape from, a life that you love living, there's no way around the prerequisite of loving your SELF. And caring enough to give yourself the gifts of your time, attention, care, patience and the kindness it needs from you is part of the journey home to peace. But how do we love something that we don't feel love for? We create it. We do the thing that Love would do. We use our tools: our thoughts, our words, our actions. We work from both the outside in and the inside out. Little by little. Piece by piece. Step by step.

The Best Friend technique replaces YOU with your loved one. Ask yourself "what would I do for ____________(friends name) right now if she was going through and feeling what I'm going through and feeling? What might I say to her?" Would I draw her a bath and light some candles? Maybe turn some meditation music on and offer her a place to rest and breathe quietly for a while? If you would do that for her, then do that for your self. Give your self a break. Give your self a rest. What does this human being need right now? What does she need to hear? Encouragement? Empathy? Does she need to be supported while she cries it all out? Do you wish you could make her know how beautiful she is? How wonderful, how perfect, even? That she can absolutely do it? Would you remind her how loved she is if she's feeling lost and lonely? Then write these things down and tape them everywhere. Look into the mirror (5 times a day if you have to!) and say to that hurt girl "I love you." Tell someone something enough times over a period of time and eventually they'll believe it. And I promise, once your belief begins to grow and you begin to trust yourself, there's no stopping ya!

I have a hallway mirror I call the Manifestation Mirror. I remind myself of who I am, and what I need to hear and what I want to hear on the daily. Why yes, I do begin those meditations "Mirror Mirror On The Wall", because cause well, that's what witches do. ;)

This week marked 6 months alcohol free for me. I actually had my first what I'd call a "struggle" which started a couple of weeks ago. I caught myself bargaining with myself and entertaining the idea of perhaps creating a scenario where I would imbibe. Without digging into all that right now, I'll just say that as usual a Divine Intervention delivered exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it. In this case I was brought to a book called "Quit Like a Woman" by Holly Whitaker. In chapter 7 she talks about her self-love journey in such a raw, vulnerable and powerful way and I felt called to share it with you. It's very much about becoming your own best friend.

Click this photo for an audio recording:

I'd also like to point out another important take away from Holly's words: When you heal the broken pieces and become whole, you organically shift into a sense of service. This is what love does. It serves. A good indicator that you are healing is when a thought about volunteering crosses your mind or you begin to ask yourself how you can do more for others. Focus toward Servant Leadership is a worthy and worthwhile, because not only does the desire to serve emerge from healing, but just like everything else, it works from the outside-in, too. Choose to do something selfless in service to others and you too will reap the positive energy that extends inward from that outward behavior. And finally, use this as a tool for manifestation too: What you give you live, so if you feel like you are lacking something in a specific area, find a way to give that exact thing that you are lacking to someone else. That's where you'll find it.

With Blessings In Abundance,


PS: Along with Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker, to anyone who is questioning their relationship with alcohol I also recommend the book that helped me first: This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (also a story of Divine Intervention!).

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